Of Bandhan & Raksha

Thoughts on Bandhan:

Yesterday, on 7^th August 2017, India celebrated Raksha-Bandhan, a festival that has for the longest time replenished my pocket money and chocolate stash. This unique festival that celebrates the loving (and quarrelling) bond between a brother and a sister has been my favorite since I was a little kid. And no, it’s not (just) because as per tradition I get gifts and money from my brothers in exchange for handmade rakhis (a rather handsome deal, I must admit). It’s because Raksha Bandhan is a celebration of your family, of your siblings and cousins, something tangible, unlike other festivals where God becomes the center of attention.

My earliest memories of Raksha-Bandhan are from Lucknow. We would go to my grandparents’ house, where numerous first and second cousins across generations would come together to celebrate the occasion. There would be multiple rounds of rakhi-tying and a dozen boxes of Kalakand, and there would be much fanfare. There still is, but it’s been a long time since my brother, Aniruddh and I were in town for the celebration. In fact, it’s been a long time, 8 years in fact, since Aniruddh and I have been in the same town for Raksha-Bandhan – ever since I left home for hostel and then work.

Ironically, it’s in the last 8 years that our friendship has become stronger. We were never the “Hum Sath Sath Hain” type of siblings – we were always fighting with each other, unless one of us needed something from our parents, when we fought together. I used to break his action figures, and he used to give me karate chops. We spoke to each other only with sarcasm (still do), and used to sneak into the kitchen for a piece of cake during the afternoon, when Mom slept until our argument about the size of the piece would wake her up. But in the past 8 years, living miles apart, we have grown closer – we advise each other about careers and cocktails, keep each other’s secrets from our parents and also pulled off an epic prank on them. Raksha Bandhan, now, is just another excuse to call each other and discuss family gossip. 

We love each other, in our own weird way, and who needs a rakhi to be reminded of it?

Thoughts on Raksha:

Traditionally, Raksha Bandhan is about a promise that the brother makes to his sister – that he will always protect her. This time around, I saw advertisements about sisters who protected their brothers. In the case of me and Aniruddh, it is tough to ascertain who protects whom – most of the time it is our parents who are protecting us, from the world, and very often, from each other.

The concept of “raksha” has obvious patriarchal roots, that a man is needed to protect a woman. Most women, from urban educated families at least, are living independently and they have learnt how to take care of themselves. If siblings live miles apart, like Aniruddh and I do, one can’t really expect the Bhai to be around for the Behen’s raksha. Some would say that it’s about time that the patriarchal idea of “raksha” gets officially retired.

Except that we are still living in a patriarchal society, where a woman who is driving back from somewhere at midnight is stalked and harassed by drunken men, high on male privilege and influence. We are still living in a society where the female is questioned for being out at night, and shamed just for having male friends or getting a drink. We are in a society where the lack of a “related male escort” at night makes you an easy target for potential maulers and rapists who would justify their act on account of you not having a “related man” to “protect” you. But, would having “related men” – brothers, fathers, husbands, fiancées – with us make us automatically safe? I doubt that. In fact, none of us would have the men in our lives put in dangerous situations just because they are men – our Bhais are not exactly Bajrangi Bhaijaans who can take on goons and hoodlums by themselves. Those familiar with the story of Keenan and Reuben from Mumbai know that the presence of a male protector does nothing to a crowd of molesters. And there are more such examples in recent memory. So who can give us “raksha”?

Keeping in mind the thought behind this festival, rakhis are also sent to soldiers, police officers, and as people can see from various photo-ops, to many major politicians. Recent events have clearly demonstrated that the latter might just be the people you need raksha from. It’s up to the rest of the government machinery, the police, the bureaucrats and the judicial system, to do their job properly. 

And they shouldn’t need rakhis to be reminded of it.